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Levi and Adam meet in the park.

Levi says, "I had a terrible experience this morning, I was driving to work and was going a little fast, and I got stopped by a cop, and he gave me a ticket. I have to see the judge tomorrow."

Adam replies "You're right, that's terrible. Have you ever been up before a judge?"

Levi thinks for a minute and he says, "I'm not sure, what time does he get up?"
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. W.C. Fields
A friend once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket." Billy Connolly
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.

The local undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00' The man thought about it for a while then said, "Ship her home.

The undertaker was curious, and he asked, 'Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home when you can have her buried here and spend only $150.00?'

The man replied, "2000 years ago a man died and was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that chance."
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